The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
