the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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