I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
