we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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