Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
