Welp...herpes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
