We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
