I didn't shave. On purpose
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
