Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
