I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
