I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
