I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
