Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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