I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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