The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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