Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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