I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
