i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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