Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
