You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
