ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
