cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
