Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
