Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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