At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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