Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
