yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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