There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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