Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
third nipple confirmed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
