Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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