i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
