the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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