why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
