I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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