my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
