I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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