My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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