There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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