I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just cut my nipple shaving
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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