You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
