I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
