my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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