I'm really into asian looking animals
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
