Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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