you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dicks are not precious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
