I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
