This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
