I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
