If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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