I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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