Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize