You smell like a Billy Joel song
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
