Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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