I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
