I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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