it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize