Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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