Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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