I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
