I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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