Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
