I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
