I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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