it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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