i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
