i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
