i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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