No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Actions speak louder than pants.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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