nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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