hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
