Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun

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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(207): View more from Maine

I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

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(281): View more from Texas

I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship

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(419): View more from Ohio

I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...

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(858): View more from California

My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.

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