why didn't you poke me back
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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