you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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