And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
