dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
