Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
