If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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