the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
